Laid Up

I'm heading in to week two of being laid up. This is the longest I've ever been out of action and I am almost completely out of action. When I was younger I broke my elbow but I was back to school not long after. I have luckily never had a bad fall off a horse that stopped me from working. I think I was off school for a week when I was a kid, but I can't even remember why. 

Easter weekend I rode the boys over in Seamus' arena. Their first proper spin since my lesson on Paddy's day. I didn't push them or me too hard, but all went well. Later that day I went for a cycle - first time in years- but it was fairly leisurely. 

Hacking Cu Chulainn

The next day I rode Cu Chulainn on a hack, just walk. It was lovely and chill. I left Fred off and returned to finishing off my Easter egg, something I accomplished in minimal time! 

How do you eat yours??

The boys were in at night and out during the day, as normal. Having hay out in a sectioned off paddock whilst they looked longingly at the grass beginning to grow on the other side. On the bank holiday Monday, my back was at me and fairly tight, so I was walking like a heavily pregnant lady. I left riding and just mucked, then returned to chill mode. 

The next day at work my back was still a bit tight, so I went for a walk at lunch to try and loosen out a bit. That night I woke up in incredible pain and couldn't even roll over. I managed to somehow get dressed in the morning and get to work, but it was a struggle. I ended up having to go home and rest up as there wasn't much I could get done at work.

The next day my back wasn't as bad but oh sweet jesus, did my legs take over in the pain stakes. I could barely walk or stand. I got an appointment with a digital doctor and he gave me a prescription for anti inflammatory tablets. I had been using nurofen and nurofen plus when the pain was really bad but they didn't seem to help. I got the prescription on the Friday. Stumbling in to the chemist to pick them up (I have to say it was a great service from the digital doc, they emailed my prescription straight to the chemist).  There was a lot of deep breathing practiced over the few days. Saturday felt a bit better. More of a manageable pain or serious discomfort, as long as I did very little. I managed to muck out that evening, as the pain has subsided somewhat. Boy did I regret that later. I was in absolute agony not long after I got back in. There was no position I could sit or lie in that gave any respite, never mind comfort. I let the boys out to the field on Sunday morning and that was the last time they were in. Thankfully I can let them out to grass. 

Sunday was more of the same. Trying to get any sort of respite from the pain and sitting for most of the day. I had pins and needles in both legs and my right leg was mostly numb, like a dead leg feeling. The left leg was in constant pain, mostly in my calf. The pain down my leg was constant and then when it was truly agonising it increased in waves pulsating down my leg. 

Monday morning I rang the GPs to get an appointment. I was told it would be 3 weeks. I said in no uncertain terms THIS IS URGENT. It was not the most pleasant of phone calls, but it did result in my doctor calling me back and managing to squeeze me in later. I gotta say I do have a great GP. He sent me to A & E to try and get some answers. Nearly 5 hours later I left with none. It's amazing the kind of negative thoughts that can go through your head whilst waiting. I often think I'm a hypochondriac in that whenever something is wrong with me I always think of all the worst things that could happen! There's actually probably a more accurate word for that, but I'll leave that to Suzie Dent. The one thing I did leave A & E with was a better prescription for pain meds. The doc was gonna leave me with paracetamol. PARACETAMOL!!! Paracetamol didn't even dent the pain. 

So I continued to do what I had done since I left work, which was nothing, I just sit for most of the day.  Which is a struggle when you're an active person. The pain meds managed to dull the pain a bit. The constant pain in my left leg went and was replaced with spasms of pain. Not quite like nerve pain(I've had that before, not pleasant) but more like pain shooting through my blood vessels. Sometimes it feels like something is lying against my calves, a small amount of pressure, not painful, but you are aware of the feeling on your calves, and then as if someone just starts to squeeze it. This is the pain I get mostly after I've walked a bit(literally a bit). For instance, I could walk as far as the stables to feed the cats or let the hens out, but have to sit once I get there for however long it takes before the pain dies down enough to move again. 

Sometimes the pain was literally me out loud just saying FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKK, other times it was ouch. The ouch pain is manageable. The other pain requires shouting out fuck. But the worst pain, the worst pain is taken in silence because it's everything you can do to breathe. Every so often I feel like I could cry from the pain, it gets that bad. But I stop myself, because if I start to cry, what will make me stop? If I can manage not to cry, then I can stay somewhat upbeat.

Thursday I did some yoga in the hopes it would help. It was very frustrating not being able to stretch anywhere near where I could before and I noticed a fair amount of weakness in my legs. I managed to go to town later and get feed and an ice cream! There wasn't much walking or standing involved, so that was good. It feels like someone has cut two inches off the muscles going down my legs, so that movements such as straightening my leg, getting up off a chair, when your muscle extends, gives either a sharp pain or pins and needles down my leg. 

Friday was not a good day. I woke up in absolute agony. I got downstairs and took painkillers and waited on the couch until they kicked in. It was the kind of pain where I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I was too focused on surviving the pain. Dramatic I know, but that's what it felt like in the moment. Eventually I was ready to go out and let the hens out. The stables are maybe 20 metres from the house, no great distance anyway. I got as far as there and sat down. I was there for awhile and realised I wouldn't be able to get to the hen house, a mere 10 metres away. I went to go back to the house and nearly fainted with the pain. My whole body was writhing with pain. I thought I was going to vomit from it all. Luckily, I didn't. I crawled to the couch in my sitting room and that's where I stayed for hours. I literally couldn't even turn over on the couch. I rang the Doctor because my prescription was out for the pain meds and he has referred me for an MRI. Thankfully Mam was able to go in for me and get them. It was time to start double dosing. I'm allowed take 8 in 24 hours, so I was moving up to 2 at a time. It took till about 4pm till I could actually move without being in agony. When I say move, I mean going as far as the toilet. At about 6pm I was able to make it as far as the kitchen. Whoop de do. 

Saturday was better. I managed to get dressed. Who knew that bending over to put on socks would be an accomplishment some day? I had hoped to shower on Saturday and wash my horrible greasy hair but I didn't have the strength to stand for that length of time. When I do stand, it's generally on one leg. Completely resting the other because otherwise there would be pain shooting up it. I usually stand on my right leg as that is mostly numb, with some pain. Although it changes every day.

Sunday was great. I showered and washed my hair. I AM HUMAN AGAIN!! I managed to go outside twice!! I walked as far as the big shed and sat down and played with the cats and watched the hens, while Rusty ran around like a mad yoke. The boys have been hard feed fed nearly every day. They are happy enough to be out. Their coats look like crap. They're at that in-between stage of winter to summer coat. They could do with a good groom, any volunteers?? But that's the only thing wrong with them. In my head I make plans about what I'll do with them once I'm back. But then the back of my head is thinking when will that be?

Monday (today) was not a good morning. Painkillers for breakfast and waiting for them to kick in before I could do anything. I don't know what I do in my sleep to wake up in absolute bits.....sometimes I wonder if that gorilla from the Brylcreem ad kidnaps at night?! But then I would know because sleeping is not the easiest. Weirdly lying down is not comfortable at all.....It's like one step forward, two steps back. 

I didn't write this post for sympathy. I mostly needed to write it down and let it out. What the last two weeks have done is opened my eyes to the people who have to live like this on a daily basis. How? Why? For people who can only manage their pain and not get rid of it. I feel so sorry for people who have had surgeries cancelled or postponed because of the pandemic or just because that kind of thing happens. If they're not life threatening, they are seen as less important, but they are certainly life changing for many. If people think CBD oil or marijuana will help their pain, then I say go for it! My empathy has increased and I'm sorry that this had to happen for me to become more aware of the absolute crap people are going through. Putting one foot in front of another. I know the pandemic has taught many of us to not take for granted the relationships you have with people and how you use your time, but this has taught me how to appreciate all the things I can do and do pain free and easily (usually that is!).

Tom & his ladies

I'm very lucky to have a mammy who has been keeping me fed and watered and Dad has chipped in to feed the hens and cats when I can't. Secretly enjoying finding all the eggs! Rusty has kept me company through most of this. Him and his squeaky ball that I must now throw a million times a day because he's not getting the run he normally would. There is nothing stopping him going outside and running about, but he stays with me. 💖💖