Headspace

 

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say my head is messing up my ability to perform and achieve my goals, otherwise there’d be no market for sports psychologists or even normal psychologists!

This year I’m going full hog at the jumping again for the first time in a few years. We jumped last year but that was mostly working hunter, which is 8 or 9 jumps, in nice straight forward courses, nothing too strenuous, except being on grass with a horse with no shoes.

Last weekend I finally had my first 1.10 since 2020. I had intended to get a few in during the league, but he got a cut and I was away for a few weeks, so it didn’t happen and I kept it to the 90 and 1m.

I’d a lesson two weeks before so I knew he could do it and I knew I could do it. I also knew what I needed to do to be able to jump at those heights, get the revs up and support at the fence. I had a plan (hah, she laughs).

The seeds of doubt started to penetrate and form thoughts in my head and once that happens it’s very hard to undo. I started to think I would forget the course- which nearly happened last week and I had to jump a spread at an angle, making me lose a stirrup and jump a jump with only one. It also didn’t help that I messed up the 1m when I ran out of steam and he stopped at the last fence. I had any number of excuses about why things went awry; the thunder & lightning kept me awake, I was running late and it was very warm. But what I’ve learned is that if you are comfortable enough doing something than your muscle memory kicks in and you’ll know what you need to do.

I am not at that point yet.

I had a power nap in between classes and I gained some energy and positive thinking from that. But then because it lashed rain, I warmed up in the indoor – also because there were other people there that could put up and down jumps as I was on my own. It was roasting in the indoor and it sapped a lot of energy, which allowed some negativity back in. I got the gears up for the first jump and he jumped so far out of the saddle that my hat came off a bit (that’s never happened before, I thought it was tight enough). That put me off my game, which as I’m learning happens to me far too easily. Jump two on to three was a related distance, that I didn’t ride properly and he stopped at three. After that I put my game face back on and both roared at him (very unusual for me) and used my whip, also new. We did fly the rest of the course and really it was a positive outing, but I just can’t help being disappointed. That being said, my disappointment is making me act and put into place a plan to try and overcome my negativity, which is a good thing!

I noticed today when I saw one (awful) picture of me from Saturday, that my leg was jutting out a mile on the right. This used to happen to me before. This is a small issue that I can work on that will help me gain stability and confidence in the saddle, because I had noticed that I was often veering to one side as we were in the air. How I’m planning on working on this is for Fred to step up to the plate (Cu Chulainn has the week off). There will be a lot of no stirrups and rising trot without stirrups (!!) to try and strengthen up my lower leg. Maybe even a few (small!) jumps without stirrups in a while on Cu Chulainn.

And then there are things I can do outside of the saddle.

I remember when I started running a few years ago, I wasn’t used to such alone time with your thoughts. My head used to be so negative, you can’t do this, you won’t get much farther, what if you faint? But then, I started running more consistently and my thoughts started to turn positive; well done you, look how far you have come,  I became my own little cheerleader. So I think I’ll get back running again consistently, which I had intended to do anyway for fitness, but now I think I realise I need to keep my headspace fit too. This morning I went for a run and my god it was hard, because I upped the ante by upping the speed a bit. On the way home I thought jesus I’m going to need to stop soon, my breathing is so heavy, but I said to myself, just a bit further, get as far as the sign, then as I was coming to the sign, I said no, you can make it home, you got this, if needs be you can slow down. Reader, I made it home (read in that annoying American narrative voice). I then sat down and nearly died for five minutes until my breathing got back to normal. But the positive thoughts got me home. It’s so easy to give up when it gets a bit harder, just walk for a minute and then you can run again, but for anyone who has tried running, isn’t it so hard to start again after you’ve walked? Pushing past your comfort zone is hard, but usually worth it.

So now I have a plan. Aside from what I have already mentioned, most importantly what I will do is get more lessons and get more comfortable with the heights.

It’s not like I don’t know the horse, maybe I don’t know myself?

 

Here's lookin' at you kid