Whatcha been at??
It's been an age since I wrote a proper blog post.
Lots has happened and nothing at all.........
When I left you last I was on the road to recovery having had a nerve block injection in Galway. Having all this time to sit around and do nothing sounds like heaven to some, but in all honesty for someone as active as myself, it is akin to being trapped in your own body. I could only walk short walks, out to the yard and check the animals or out to the field, but even that became more difficult as time went on. I started to walk really badly because the nerve was still affected by the disc and it wouldn't let me stretch out my legs properly or place them down right beside each other-this made showering 'interesting'.
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| Chillin with Greta in the stables |
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| King Rusty |
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| Me & the Boys |
As time went on I got no better and no worse. I still couldn't do a thing and the painkillers made me feel like what I assume early onset Alzheimer's feels like. I couldn't think of simple words when talking, I could feel my speech slurring at times, I couldn't watch anything too taxing and I couldn't read anything too difficult. I caught up on all Keeping up with the Kardashians!!
My hopes of getting my college project finished went up in smoke because I couldn't take in the information I was reading. I remember reading the same article 5 times and even taking notes on it and STILL it wouldn't go in. This was beyond frustrating.
The feeling of being trapped was increasing. In May the country started to reopen, people were coming out of lockdown and while I was going deeper into mine.
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| Lots of chillin in the stables in the heat |
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| Here's lookin at you kid |
The world keeps turning, including my own. Other elements of my life continued with or without me and the stresses that can occur, still occurred. But I was short on my stress release. The ability to get up on my horses and work them or even just go for a chill hack or canter was taken away. As any equestrian will tell you, there is nothing as good as heading out on your horse when everything else in life is going crappy.
I always tried to keep a smile and keep laughing, but some days were definitely harder than others. Along with this, I was acutely aware that at any point if I started to feel numbness in certain places I had to bomb it down to Galway because I was heading for paralysis.
That's a pretty scary thing knowing that at any point you could end up paralysed.
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| I miss this view |
I was so grateful for those who kept in touch, those who helped out, mucked out, rode horses and were just there for the chats. Luckily for me I had a great set of doctor mates and after chatting with one, she did some research for me and set up an appointment with a spinal specialist for a second opinion. So off I went to Dublin, delighted to get that bit further away, even if it was just for medical reasons again.
The drive to Dublin nearly killed me. Thankfully it was a Sunday evening and not much traffic, but all the stopping and starting had me crocked. I should have stopped on route and stretched my legs a bit. On the brightside I got to catch up with some friends and family while I was up.
I went to the hospital to get X-rays for the surgeon I was meeting. That was harder than I expected because I really wasn't able to stand for long by then, made worse by the drive. Once I had them done I asked where to go for my appointment. My heart dropped when I was told that it was down the road and not in the same building. Off I limped, literally, down the road. The nurse saw me first and did a few tests (like strength, feeling, numbness etc). Then the surgeon had a look at the x-rays and my MRI (which thankfully I had on a disc, as this was the heart of the HSE hacking) while I waited. Once I met him, he watched me walk and did a few tests himself. He told me he would operate, that the disc was too big and wouldn't go in by itself, so needed an operation. He explained the surgery to me and said there was no chance of paralysis (massive sigh of relief). I asked him some questions and thankfully they gave me a booklet about it all, because although I can speak coherentlyish and ask the right questions, my ability to retain the information is terrible with these drugs. I know back surgery is a huge HUGE undertaking, but honestly I was so relieved that someone was doing something for me and I wouldn't be stuck in this nothingness, this pergatory. My follow up appointment for UCHG wasn't until July and I felt like I was being left to rot, never mind how much worse I was making myself.
I was really lucky and the operation was scheduled for 2 weeks later. In the two weeks before the op, my walk got worse and worse. The day before the op I had to go in for pre op. I got poked and proded and had every test done. The pre op nurse gave me hibiscrub (yip, the stuff we wash out equine wounds with!) and I had to have 2 showers with it before my operation the next day. At that stage showering was so difficult as I could really only stand on my left leg, my right not being able to take the weight. Getting in and out of the shower and bending down if you dropped the shampoo/conditioner were incredibly tough and painful at times.
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| Queueing for covid test |
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| Post 'pre op' chill out |
The morning of the op I arrived in around 8am. I got my fashionable hospital gown on and headed up to the surgical floor. It was around this time that I started to regret watching Greys Anatomy for the last few weeks, especially when the people died during routine surgeries.....👀
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| Feeling hot hot hot |
I was wheeled in to the room outside the theatre and given a mask which weirdly smelled/tasted like apple. Then he gave me a whopper dose of anaesthetic and I was out like a light. I woke up in the recovery area and had the chats with the doctor and nurse there. They were offering me drugs but I declined, literally so sick of all the drugs and sure I still had the anaesthetic. I napped a bit there and then was brought down to my hospital bed. Absolutely starving at this stage, seeing as I'm used to eating my weight in food every day. I only got 2 slices of toast. I mean, if I wasn't so out of it, I would have had a mini meltdown! I didn't feel great after the op, feeling a bit woozy and whacked after the surgery. I was essentially in and out of consciousness for the evening. But then I was awake till 5 watching Disney plus on the laptop! I did manage to get another 2 slices of toast at about 9. I mean, they really raised the roof for me.....
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| B-E-A-UTIFUL |
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| The wound |
I looked like crap and I had a drain in my back that came out every time I rolled over......all through the night. It came out times and I had to call the nurse each time to put it back in. Fun. The nurse took it out the next day thankfully. I had to have a nurse every time I went to the toilet, in case I fell or felt faint. Having never been in hospital for longer than a day up to this year, I can honestly say that the restrictions with visitors are great, they really allow you to rest. I know I wouldn't have been up for seeing anyone and would have felt like I had to chat or ya know, be conscious, if someone was there.
Two days after the surgery I got my freedom papers and headed west for home. I wasn't allowed sit in the car for longer than 45 mins without getting out and about, so we had a pit stop at the toll. It was great to get home and see all the animals again. I was completely wiped though and had a 2 hour nap on the couch. That was pretty much how I spent the next week. I was well acquainted with my couch! It was a serious dose of anaesthetic they gave me, really knocked me for six! But it probably helped me to rest more and not to do too much, so a good thing really.
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| Honey I'm home!!! |
I wasn't allowed drive for two weeks so my friend Matty did the brakes in my jeep and gave it a onceover. I don't think I've been that excited to drive since the day I bought the jeep. The feeling of freedom and being able to go somewhere by myself when I wanted was amazing (thanks to mam for chauffeuring me when I couldn't drive). I celebrated by being videographer that weekend for my friends competing in the RDS qualifier in Galway and caught up with two friends nearby. Being at a show felt epic too!
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| Lots of time spent on the couch |
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| Much yawning & sleeping |
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| Catch up with friends |
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| And family! |
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| Enjoyed this immensely |
I got my sewing machine fixed, so I'm making cushions and what not again. It's a nice way to use my creativity and waste time while sitting around.
I'm still having difficulty with the guilt of sitting around doing nothing. I'm so active normally and always 'doing'. But I'm coming to terms with it, it is what it is and there is no quick road outta here. I still have at least one nap most days, a combination of the drugs, lack of doing anything much physical and currently, the weather! I'm still a long way off being right. I am pain free for the most part, nothing that requires medication really. Walking is an effort, or walking properly is an effort I should say. I reckon there's some nerve damage. At first I thought it was my leg muscles after walking incorrectly for so long, but I'm 4 weeks post op now and there hasn't been an improvement. Nerves will take a long long time to recover. But hey, I'm finally actually on the road to recovery and my head is slowly starting to feel right.
2021 has without doubt been the worst year of my life. But I'm over half way through now!
Bring on recovery!!
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| Sharing is caring |
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| King Rusty |
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